// Matthew Conacher
Interested in waiting 45 minutes for a $6 cup of hot milk and 23 ground up coffee beans?
Lines: With lines longer than the Behemoth Rollercoaster ride at Canada’s Wonderland Theme Park this Starbucks is designed to disappoint. You might as well pack a lawn chair because if you’re trying to get your Iced Caramel Macchiato ‘fix’ anytime between 11:00am and 2:00pm you’re gonna need it.
Selection: Starbucks is home to everything you could ever wish for. Loaves (unfortunately not of bread), Muffins, Oat Bars, and like four fruit fly colonies occupy a large display-case-refrigerator-thing by the cash registers. In terms of drinks, the Starbucks in the UCC can make everything a regular Starbucks can. If you’re emotionally hurting after finding out how destructive capitalism is, I recommend spending your (or more likely your parent’s) money on an Americano with an extra shot of espresso. Upset by how corporations like Starbucks exploit workers in third world countries for economic gain? I recommend the Double Chocolatey Chip Frappuccino!
My Recommended Order: I myself can destroy two venti coffees, black, with a birthday cake pop (everyday is your birthday when you are a white man in the patriarchy)
The Spoke and Rim Tavern is like me, back in first year: confused as to what it wants to be. Is it a cafe? Is it a bar? Who knows? All I know is that it is the home of Western’s most prized possession: The Buffalo Chicken Wrap.
Lines: The Spoke Café line is longer than the food lines during the Great Depression. Fitting considering wintertime in London, Ontario is probably the greatest depression. If you want to make it to your 9:30 a.m. on time, carve out a solid 32 minutes for a bagelwich.
Selection: Great Canadian Bagel Company supplies The Spoke with its world famous bagels. With over five varieties of bagels and six cream cheese flavours, The Spoke Café’s is more diverse than the students here at Western! With weekly live music from international superstar Rick McGhie it is easy to get distracted and accidentally pay $13 for a wrap.
My Recommended Order: Jalapeño Cheddar Bagel with Roasted Red Pepper Cream Cheese; because there is nothing my trembling, caffeinated, university student corpse needs more than 1/16th a serving of vegetables.
The Wave is basically The Spoke on crack! Higher prices, longer wait times, but better food all around.
Lines: Although the line at the entry is not long at all, the amount of time you will spend sipping your water at the table will make watching paint dry sound appealing. The atmosphere is very pleasant and I was pleased to discover outlets at every table, making The Wave a low key study spot.
Selection: Using the highest quality of ingredients, The Wave’s menu is a menu I can get behind! Fresh salads, delicious sandwiches and burgers, and a bruschetta with guacamole on it (surprisingly good), make The Wave the perfect place to take a love interest. Vegetarian, Vegan, Aristocratic, Gluten Free, Communist, Paleo? Do not worry! The Wave’s menu accommodates almost every dietary restriction and is sure to have something for everyone.
My Recommended Order: The Wave has an unreal Pad Thai. I am neither educated in Thai cuisine nor culturally aware but regardless it is pretty good in my humble opinion.
Subway’s official slogan is “Eat Fresh”? The only thing fresh about the UCC Subway is its employees. If you’re hungry for a healthy dinner item, look elsewhere. If you’re down for some heated gossip from the sandwich artists, this might be the place for you.
Lines: The line at the UCC Subway is either one person long or thirty four thousand people long. I don’t know what is it about science students but they seem to be powered by tuna salad subs. With that, I would suggest getting your submarine sandwich during one of their required courses when the line is dead.
Selection: A glass display case filled with “Fresh” veggies, cheeses, and cold-cuts gives the illusion of health. Subway is customizable, I will give them that. They have something for everyone — even those disgusting enough to order the fluorescent egg salad.
My Recommended Order: When my bank account is in overdraft (like hard … -$300), I usually stick to a six inch meatball sub with lettuce and green peppers. If I am feeling bourgeois (-$225), I splurge for the imitation chicken because there is nothing better than the delicious rubbery taste of a $15 oven roast “chicken” sandwich.